Change begins with an ending
As I creak the front door open for 2018, hesitant to let it in, I hear 2017 slip out the back door.
All changes begin with an ending, and the ending of 2017 is a fine way to set some things in motion and put others aside for another time. Yes, <sigh>, I’m talking New Year’s resolutions, but to be clear - what I’m NOT talking about is:
- “jump starting” mentality - instead, I’m giving myself the time and space to transition in a meaningful way.
- “don’t look back” mentality - instead, I’m reflecting on the past year and taking time to understand what worked and what didn’t.
Mental Labor.
2017 was a year of solitude and introspection. From politics to career to personal life, it has been a year of some heavy duty thinking and learning. Reflection, solitude, questioning, and self analysis were the norm. Whereas this sounds bad to some, it was a year of immense growth for me. For me, solitude is an essential ingredient of getting things sorted out in my brain. Moving to a remote area on an island in Washington state earlier this year set the scene. It was hard to leave my beloved Chicago, a city with such amazing energy, spirit, resilience. I realized how much my identity was intertwined with that city - it was like leaving a partner behind - heartbreaking but necessary to move forward. Washington brought a much-needed return to nature - water, trees, natural textures, fresh air, quiet. The solitude that nature brought over 2017 gave me the space to immerse myself in my own thoughts - both the fearful thoughts and the positive thoughts. It was, in a word, laborious. The year was a labor of love - love for admitting my career dreams despite fear, love for my family’s legacy, love for my partnership with a fiercely loyal man, and love for the power of intellection. It was a year of creating order, cleaning house (literally and proverbially), and truly embracing doubt and fear. It was like that blue flame on a fire - active yet small, intense yet slight - a hidden source of power, a precondition for a brighter flame to come.
Boldness.
My hope for 2018 is to engaging my spirit through boldness. I know, I know - that sounds wonky, doesn’t it? While 2017 was about engaging and empowering my brain, it’s now time for me to act. My spirit is what gets me out of my head and activates my hands, my voice, my smile, my body. It will not be easy for me. Fear of not being good enough, of not being perfect on the first try can be paralyzing for someone like me. But, what I’ve realized over the past year is that people need leaders. Some leaders need not have authority - some leaders just need to provoke thought, to make decisions, to try new things, to challenge convention. If there’s anything I’ve learned from growing up with a strong punk rock backbone, it’s that a culture is going to happen whether I lead it or not. Our place in history is too fragile right now, and frankly I am too damn smart and stubborn to be as quiet as I was in 2017. My voice can be my boldest tool. My tolerance for ignorance, in personal, political, and professional matters, has grown very thin this past year. Whereas 2017 was a year I saw challenges and problems, 2018 is a year where I want to start decisiveness and action. My biggest challenge (among many) will be accepting that the solutions won’t be perfect - they won’t be final, they won’t be tied up with a pretty bow. If 2017 was the slight and intense blue flame, 2018 will be the yellow flame that searches, bends, moves, adapts, and demands attention - all while providing light.
So...
Expect to see more, hear more from me ahead. Expect liveliness, action, and provocation. Hold me to it. If you find yourself with an opposite schedule and find 2018 a year of solitude and introspection, my only advice is to go in deep. Stay there and immerse yourself in it until you’re good and ready. Only then can we climb out and get things moving again. It’s all downhill from here, as they say.
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Photo credit: Mitchell McCleary via Upsplash
