Stop grasping for confidence. Make courage your goal instead.

Many of us tend to confuse confidence and courage. We convince ourselves we are not confident enough to do a thing - whether that’s public speaking, going for a new job, trying a new hobby, saying that thing that everyone is thinking at the work meeting. What this really means is that we don’t have the courage to step outside of our comfort zone and take the courageous first step.

The very definition of confidence, in so many words, is a belief in oneself, an assuredness. But this assumes that you know the outcome of whatever it is that you’re getting ready to do. But how do we know what we are capable of? If we don’t push those boundaries, we will never find out.

“ In the absence of confidence, courage takes over.”

This is where courage comes in. While taking that first step is always the hardest, courage gives you the kick in the butt to do so even amidst fear. Waiting for the confidence to magically appear is nonsensical - and it might mean that you never do take that chance.

Without courage, there is no confidence

More often than not, we use the terms “confidence” and “courage” interchangeably. However, there is a big difference. And, perhaps more importantly, you can’t have one without the other.

Think about it. If you didn’t have the courage to try something new, you wouldn’t gain the confidence that comes with already having done that thing. Even if you know that you can do something, doing it for the first time requires courage. This makes courage a vital ingredient in the success of any undertaking.

 When you do something for the first time, it’s natural to experience some trepidation, some uncertainty. Think about the first time you did anything - take your first steps, learn a new language, play a sport, hold a baby, etc. It’s brand new, it’s clumsy, and it always lacks confidence. You don’t know how your action will be received or perceived. Will there be consequences? Will you get the support you need? How will you be received? 

This uncertainty usually manifests as fear: fear of failure, fear of rejection, or a fear of making a fool of yourself.

Like a psychological game of rock-paper-scissors, courage trumps fear, encouraging you to act in spite of your hesitation. Once you take that step, the reward will be yours for the taking. 

Confidence is the reward of courage

Confidence is something we look for as proof that we will succeed in a task. But, you can’t gain that confidence without ever having done a thing. Confidence is something you gain once you’ve done that thing a few times and you can reasonably predict how it’s going to go.

Once you have successfully completed your undertaking—whether it’s giving a speech, demonstrating a product, or conducting a class—you will have some experience. The more you do it, the more skilled you will become, and this breeds confidence.

As you see the results of your efforts, once you try and succeed, or try and fail, this is where confidence begins.

“Leap and the net will appear” - John Burroughs

The fear of failure is often what keeps us from stepping up to a task. Having the courage to fail teaches us to persevere. It also builds our resilience and gives us the courage we need to keep trying.

Confidence will follow – the true confidence of knowing where the obstacles lie and how to overcome them. While your acts of courage may appear confident, your audience doesn’t have to know that you are simply taking a chance. Every time you expose yourself to that thing that you are afraid of, confidence will grow.