Have a Meaningful Project Retrospective (and still leave as friends)

We've all been there: the project retrospective that is either tense and full of blame, or the one that is sugar-coated and not grounded in reality.  They are equally painful and equally ineffective.  After facilitating at least 50 or so retrospectives, I've found a method that works well for my project teams.  It's a 3-stage process, and is usually completed by the Project or Product Manager.  

STEP 1: A WEEK BEFORE: PLAN THE RETRO

1. Do it in person. Really.  Don’t hide behind technology - this is one time where seeing is believing.  Absolutely need to do it virtually?  Use Google Slides to document and have EVERYONE virtual with video.  No video, no dice.  I highly recommend doing this as a first meeting in the morning and bring breakfast goodies.  
2. Keep it simple with the Retrospective Starfish.  See graphic below for the Topics for Discussion.  Write these in the agenda in the invitation.  
3. Plan for subconscious thought.  Send out an invite with the agenda at least a week in advance. This gives them time to mentally digest and come prepared, even if the preparation has been subconscious.  I’m a firm believer that we “work out” some of our most challenging tasks and emotions on a subconscious cognitive level.  It also peels away some of the reactive emotionality that often comes up with "on the spot" reflection.  So, task the team with at least 3 comments total, for any of these 5 starfish headings, written in a BRIEF statement on a sticky note.  (Do not accept sentences over email!!)  

View fullsize

Retrospective Starfish.  Source unknown

STEP 2: THE DAY OF: FACILITATE THE RETRO

1. Be firm with ground rules.  Write them on the whiteboard. My suggestions:
   1. Assume good intent.  All feedback comes from a good place.
   2. Intent is to learn and reflect, not to blame. 
   3. Computers and phones away completely.  Let's talk for an hour.  We can do it. 
2. Draw Starfish on the whiteboard.  
3. First 5 minutes is quiet brain writing and/or sticking their pre-written sticky notes up onto the whiteboard in the correct section.  Time 5 minutes.  
4. Go through each segment, reading each comment out loud and discussing objectively.  Note when there are patterns (more than 1 person noted it).  Summarize the learnings concisely and then move on to the next segment.  Switch facilitators for each segment if you'd like. Plan for 10 minutes each segment (50 minutes).   
5. Random round table discussion for 3 minutes.  Just have folks shout out something I learned.  Something I’m most proud of.  Best memory.  Strangest day of the project.  
6. Last 1-2 minutes pass out a blank Report Card (see below - sometimes this is called an "exit slip").  Writing is key here - do not do this verbally.  Everyone (anonymously!) gives themselves a grade, A-F like in school.  Then everyone gives the team a grade, A-F.  Two additional quick questions I recommend are in the picture below.  This solidifies commitment and ends on a positive, often cheeky note,  Teams like this. 
7. Facilitator: Collect the exit slip Report Cards. Document (photo or transcribe) the Starfish.  

View fullsize

Copyright Lauren C Miller

STEP 3: THE DAY AFTER: EMAIL WRAP-UP

Craft and send a quick email to the team with the following: 

1. Document the top 3-4 key learnings from each starfish segment (bullet points)
2. Average everyone’s response to "Team Grade” = A? B-? D?
3. List a few (remember, anonymously!) improvements to work on and cool things we learned as a team.  It doesn't need to be exhaustive, but does need to be representative.
4. Disregard the personal grades - this is just to get them thinking.  Do not report those out.  

What other methods have you used?  Do you always end a project with a celebration?  Where do you get stuck in your retrospectives?