What to Talk About: Mastering the Art of Networking, Small Talk, and Elevator Talk
There are a lot of talented people out there who are often paralyzed by the idea of making small talk. Casual conversation, to some, causes anxiety, fear, and discomfort, while initiating that conversation is even farther off the scale.
What do you say? How do you start?
First things first - I think we often put the pressure on ourselves - we make small talk about transacting, about saying something profound, about cramming as much info in as possible. Simply put, small talk is all about connecting with people. You don’t have to get too deep. You just have to connect on some small level.
Why small talk is important
Small talk varies in terms of the context and situation, but chances are, if you interact with a lot of people over the course of the day, you’ll find yourself drawn into it. These can be professional contexts (networking events, customer meetings) or they can be outside of work (grocery checkout lines, coffee shop orders).
From a business standpoint, small talk can be a useful tool. It helps you form new relationships, learn about people, and build your network. In social situations, it’s a tried-and-true method of breaking the ice, and in any case, it’s a great way to fill empty airspace.
If you tend to go blank every time a stranger says hello, here are some tips to fall back on:
Ask open-ended questions
If you were to focus your small talk on “yes or no” type questions, the conversation would be pretty stunted. Any question that can be answered with a “yes” or “no” is a closed-ended question.
Open-ended questions, however, invite dialogue. They can be along the lines of “what do you think?” or “how have things been going?”. At networking events or meetups, it may sound like “where did you travel in from?” or “how has your role changed over the past year or so?” Open-ended questions generally lead to a more interesting conversation. And, BONUS - it takes the pressure off you to talk first!!
For example, talking about the weather is always a safe bet, but rather than simply making a comment such as “Hot enough for you?” you could ask them how long they think the summer sunshine is going to last.
Pick up on the other person’s “breadcrumbs”
Practice active listening to find some common ground between you. You might pick up on something they say that piques your interest; little tidbits, or breadcrumbs that you can pick up and carry forward. You can then bring these things back into the conversation, resulting in a more meaningful connection.
For example, if someone says they’re from Boston, you might pick up on that breadcrumb by saying:
“Oh, cool, my [cousin] lives in Boston and she loves the music scene there.”
“I went to Boston last year for a business trip, I had a great dinner at XYZ Restaurant. Have you been there?”
“I’ve never been to Boston, what do you like most about living there?”
Draw on your own natural curiosity
In conversation, you may discover a few things about the other person, such as their pastimes, passions, or interests.
Show a genuine interest and listen thoughtfully to the answer. Draw on your innate empathy and curiosity to keep the conversation going. For example, you don’t have to like football, but you can probably appreciate that the other person does. Some of the things you could ask are whether they have played the game themselves, who their favorite team is, or who they think is going to win the Super Bowl next year.
Pay attention to body language
Body language speaks a thousand words – and that includes yours as well as the other person’s. Be sure to smile and make direct eye contact. If you are standing, maintain a straight posture and don’t cross your arms in front of you. If you are sitting, sit forward in your seat with your feet on the ground. In either case, don’t forget to smile! This may feel unnatural to some, but if you flip it around and think about when YOU talk, don’t you love it when other people smile at YOU?? Smiling, nodding, and eye contact exudes an air of calm confidence and will show that you are genuinely interested in what the other person has to say.
What not to talk about
Small talk is, as its label implies, small. You don’t want to bring up big, contentious issues in casual conversation. With that in mind, avoid discussions about politics (especially these days), religion, or controversial organizational topics (layoffs, office gossip, etc). These are discussions better suited for people you know and trust.
Mastering the art of small talk is a useful skill that will serve you well in life. As with any skill, practice is important. Seek out situations that give you an opportunity to practice, whether in work life or outside work. With a little practice, your anxieties will subside and it will almost feel automatic.
